Surviving the Holidays Single
Before I dive into this post, I want it to be known that I want XO. Kelly Nicole to be more than just a platform dedicated to hair and makeup. This is where I begin to share more of my life with hopes that you will grow with me.
Let me just emphasize the fact that I am NOT single. I’m actually in a relationship. Today I opened the mailbox to receive our annual family Thanksgiving menu and at the top of the letter was a picture of me and my boyfriend at last years family gathering. I’ve shared the same photo more than once on my social media platforms. When I saw the picture I laughed because I wasn’t expecting to see it. I haven’t always spent the holidays “boo’d up” or with my significant other. Even though the holidays are now officially different, they haven’t always been like they are today. There were moments when Thanksgiving Dinner was a bit difficult due to old memories, and because deep down I wanted that experience of being “boo’d up” (admit it, you’ve been there too). I just made a point to put it to the back of my mind and enjoy my family. After all, family is most important!
My Boyfriend and I after Church.
Here’s a brief run down of my relationship. My boyfriend and I met 8 years ago. Even though we met 8 years ago, we haven’t been together consistently the entire 8 years. In year two of our relationship, we got engaged. Year three of our relationship we broke up. It was difficult! We had gone from spending the holidays together to not spending the holidays together. I remember it like it was yesterday…when my family found out that he wasn’t going to be at this particular Thanksgiving dinner event, here came the questions (insert long outdrawn eye roll and deep sigh). “What happened?” etc. I simply refused to answer any questions. I literally didn’t discuss what happened and why our engagement ended. I think that was the quietest I have ever been regarding my own life. Thanks to my cousin (who knew none of the details, she helped me to avoid the questions) Three whole years passed before my now boyfriend came back to Thanksgiving dinner as my boyfriend. The good news was that it felt as if he never left and that it was meant to happen the way that it did. I know you’re thinking ,”Wait, he’s your boyfriend again?” “How’d that happen” (Another post for Another Day).
Since I know exactly how it feels to be single during the holidays, I want to encourage my single friends out there with a few ways they can “survive” the holidays single.
Enjoy your friends and family! I can not stress the importance of being present and active during this special time with your friends and family. You never know when life can/will happen. Enjoy this time with them while you can and take it all in. Make new memories and live in this moment. Don’t stress over what’s not happening.
Stay off Social Media: While you’re with your loved ones, don’t get too caught up in scrolling to see what everyone else is doing. If you want to share your day as it occurs, do that,,,but log off after. You don’t want to be caught up in what everyone else is doing and why that’s not you at this moment.
Avoid difficult questions: I say avoid lightly, because there’s no clear way to avoid it unless you simply stay isolated. Isolation is not the goal. Keep this in mind, you don’t owe an explanation as to why you’re still single or why you’re not married YET. Come up with a great response that is not rude, but gets your point across.
Remain Positive: Keep your mind off of why you’re still single and keep positive about being single. Being single is NOT a curse. It’s actually a blessing. You have to make sure that you’re getting the most out of it. I could list all of the positives about being single, but that may be for another time.
Avoid Being Alone: This is a suggestion from my boyfriend. He too knows what it’s like to spend the holidays single (hence why he said to add this). This probably should have been shared first, but it can be a simple reminder as I close. You don’t want to spend the holidays by yourself. Spending the holidays alone just heightens the emotion/feeling that you’re alone. Get out of the house! If you don’t have family around that you can spend Thanksgiving with, spend it with friends/coworkers. There will be plenty of food to share. After all, this is the time of the year where food is on the table in abundance. If those are not options, volunteer and give back. There will be plenty of places open on Thanksgiving Day where you can help others.
When you’ve been single for an extended period of time, it seems as if it will never come to an end. I always held onto the promise that it’s just a season in my life that is bound to change. Seasons in your life are expected to change. You just have to be aware of the season in life that you’re currently in and move accordingly. I didn’t expect for my ex-boyfriend to be my current boyfriend and soon to be husband. Yeah…we are going to get married (More deets to come). This is just how things happened for me.
I just want to encourage you to enjoy this time with family and make the most of it. Be present!
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”-Ecclesiastes 3:1
-xo Kelly Nicole